Is Taking Your Mum Abroad as a Free Nanny Really Giving Her a Good Life? The Debate That’s Splitting Social Media

Social media has once again become the battleground for one of the most controversial lifestyle debates of recent times. This time, the question revolves around migration, family responsibility, and what it truly means to give one’s parents “a good life.” The storm began after a woman identified as Oluchi, tweeting under the handle @General Han Xin, voiced her strong opinion on what she described as the disguised exploitation of mothers who are taken abroad not to enjoy their retirement but to serve as unpaid nannies for their children. Her words were blunt and uncompromising: “Taking your mum abroad to become your nanny for free is not giving her a good life. You only imported cheap labor because she will never ask for a salary or benefits. Her community will shame her for not wanting to be your nanny for free. If you want her to have a good life, hire a maid while she’s there so she won’t have to do any work.” The comment spread like wildfire, drawing thousands of reactions, arguments, and emotional testimonies from people across the globe.

At first glance, many might assume that bringing one’s mother abroad is the ultimate gift, a way of expressing gratitude for the sacrifices she made while raising her children. After all, in many African and Asian cultures, sending for one’s parents to live overseas is seen as a sign of success, a badge of honor that a child has “made it.” But Oluchi’s words pierce through that narrative, questioning whether what is presented as love and generosity is, in fact, just a new form of disguised servitude. She paints the picture of women who, instead of enjoying their later years, find themselves once again tied to the demands of childcare and housework, except this time in a foreign country where the title of “grandma” becomes synonymous with “house help.”

The discussion has exposed a cultural divide. Some people rushed to defend the practice, describing it as “a thing of pride” and “a thing of joy” for mothers to be close to their children and grandchildren, even if it means helping with domestic duties. “There is no greater blessing for an African mother than to live with her children abroad, cook for them, and play with her grandchildren,” one respondent wrote. “It is not exploitation; it is love and fulfillment.” For this group, the very idea that anyone would criticize such an arrangement is almost offensive. To them, family duty is not a burden—it is an honor.

Yet, others argue passionately that Oluchi is right. They insist that what is disguised as love is often simply a way to cut costs in an expensive Western lifestyle. Daycare services abroad are notoriously costly, and housekeepers are far from cheap. In many cases, critics argue, adult children take advantage of their mothers’ willingness to help by turning them into unpaid workers, not considering the toll it takes on their health, independence, and dignity. “If you truly want your mum to have a good life,” Oluchi insisted, “then hire a maid to handle the work while she’s there. Let her enjoy her time, not become enslaved to your household.”

Personal stories soon flooded timelines. Some mothers who had lived through the experience admitted that, though they were happy to be abroad, they sometimes felt trapped. One woman wrote, “I came to London to help my daughter with her new baby. Three years later, I’m still here, and it feels like I never stopped mothering. I cook, I clean, I babysit, and I barely have time for myself. I love them, but sometimes I wonder if this is what I wanted for my retirement.” Others, however, shared contrasting experiences, saying they felt fulfilled being useful to their families and saw it as the best way to spend their later years. “What else would I be doing back home?” one mother countered. “Here, I have my grandchildren, I have my family, and I am not lonely. I would rather work in my child’s home than sit idle at home waiting for death.”

The generational divide is also striking. Many younger people side with Oluchi, emphasizing the need to prioritize rest and comfort for aging parents, while older generations often see the arrangement as natural. The question then arises: is the difference in perspective rooted in culture, or is it the evolution of global thinking around labor, rights, and family dynamics?

Experts in sociology point out that the debate touches on deeper issues about the meaning of “a good life.” In some contexts, having material wealth, healthcare, and safety in a foreign country is enough to qualify as “good living.” In others, true fulfillment is defined by rest, autonomy, and freedom from the endless responsibilities of childcare and housework. Both interpretations are valid, but the danger, critics say, is when adult children refuse to even recognize that their mothers might want the latter instead of the former.

The matter is further complicated by cultural pride. In Nigeria, Ghana, and many other African societies, there is immense prestige in being able to say that one’s mother or father is living abroad with the family. It is considered evidence that a child has “made it” and can take care of their parents. Yet beneath the pride, the unspoken question lingers: are these parents truly being “taken care of,” or are they just being relocated to provide unpaid labor in exchange for shelter? It is this uncomfortable question that Oluchi’s tweet drags into the spotlight.

The reactions have also highlighted how language plays a role in justifying practices. Phrases like “it is a thing of joy” and “it is a thing of pride” are often used to silence any criticism, suggesting that fulfillment can only be defined by the children who make the decisions, not by the mothers who live with the consequences. Oluchi dismissed such excuses sharply: “Na you go tell person wetin suppose be joy and pride for am? Fix this mess!” Her unapologetic bluntness cut through the cultural niceties, leaving no room for sentimentality.

As the debate continues to rage, one thing is clear: this is not just about parenting, or about moving abroad. It is about power, choice, and respect. Does a mother’s love mean she must always be available to work, unpaid, in service of her children? Or does honoring her sacrifice mean giving her the right to rest, to live freely, and to enjoy the fruits of her labor without being burdened by new responsibilities?

For now, opinions remain sharply divided. Some see it as exploitation hidden behind the veil of culture, others as love expressed through togetherness and duty. But Oluchi’s viral comment has at least forced thousands to rethink what they mean when they proudly announce that they’ve “given their mum a good life abroad.”